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Four Surprising Ways Customers Are Playing with Planet Rollers

Four Surprising Ways Customers Are Playing with Planet Rollers

Initially, we envisioned Planet Rollers as fun STEM toys. But your Uncle Goose has received calls and emails from customers. They've found different, albeit peculiar, uses for our innovative new product line.*

Tomas Slyers, a civil engineer from Nutsy, Nebraska told us he was concerned about communication breakdowns when Mercury is in retrograde. He bought the Mercury planet roller to ward off potential problems.

“I wheel the Mercury Roller around my computer and phone three times every morning when Mercury is in retrograde,” he explained. “I know it sounds silly. But I think it’s helping to ward off a lot of communication meltdowns.”

We agreed with Mr. Slyers. It’s a silly thing to do. Completely ridiculous. And it’s not likely to help him with his communication issues. But his odd activity is fun and harmless, so who are we to judge?

Sassy Mortel is a massage therapist from Woo-Woo, Washington. She reported that she is using the Planet Rollers as tools in her massage business. She said she feels different cosmic energy vibrations emanating from each of the rollers.

“For example, I can sense when a client needs to be massaged with the Mars Roller,” she claimed. “It’s when they’re lacking assertiveness. And if they’re too aggressive, I’ll massage them with the Venus Roller.”

We explained that cosmic energies are unlikely to be emanating from our hard maple push toys. But Mortel wasn’t having any of it. In fact, she said she had a feeling we were going to say that.

So we took her advice. We gave ourselves massages with the Planet Rollers. While it was surprisingly pleasant, we didn’t feel any alignment in our cosmic energies.

However, giving someone a massage with a Planet Roller seems like harmless fun. You do do, Ms. Sassy Mortel. You do you.

Lars Soystem is a feng shui practitioner from Mistic, Minnesota. He also uses the Planet Rollers in his business. He recommends placing Planet Rollers in various places throughout homes and offices.

“My clients are finding amazing financial success by placing the Neptune Roller in a certain location in a building,” he claimed. “It has to do with the color and shape of that toy. It’s mostly purple and round, you see. And with the wheels, you have the 5 circles.”

Soystem explained that “five plus purple plus circles” are three keys to unexpected wealth. The fourth and final key is to put the Neptune Roller in exactly the right location in your home.

For a small fee, Soystem said he would tell us exactly where to put the toy.

We passed. Mr. Soystem seemed upset. He angrily told us where he’d like us to put our toy.

As you might expect, we’re not going to heed his advice. It didn’t sound fun.

And lastly, Sam Lorsesty from Yoocray, Utah sent us a very sweet letter. She loves the Pluto Planet Roller. She wrote:

“I always felt kinda bad for Pluto. It’s so little. And it’s out there all by itself. And then the scientific community even took away its status as a planet. I felt the least I could do is bring the Pluto Roller home and comfort it. I love the little heart on the side! It’s so cute!”

That’s very kind of you, Mrs. Lorsesty. We agree that anthropomorphism can be a lot of fun. So do our pet cats and dogs.

Thank you for supporting Uncle Goose Toys. In what unusual manner are you playing with your Planet Rollers?**


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* All customer names and cities have been changed to protect their identities. We used the anagram of “Solar System” for each name. All stories are more or less real, but heightened for dramatic effect.

** The more wackadoo your method of play, the better. We make no claims to improving cosmic alignments, increased prosperity, or eliminating communication problems. Remember, these are toys. Have some fun!

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