Tell us everything you hate about our latest toy: the Groovy Ghoulies

The Uncle Goose complaint hotline has been heating up! In particular, customers have been calling to tell us their mixed feelings about our latest product, the Groovy Ghoulies.*

“What, exactly, are these things?” asked Owen Halle, a web designer from Catclaw, Connecticut. “I was thinking they might be decor, but now, I dunno. Initially, I bought a set to decorate my Zoom background. You know, I wanted to make my home office look festive and fun for October.”

But things didn’t work out the way Halle planned. His children, Cat (3) and Jack (6) started playing with the blocks. Cat is fond of the cats, naturally; while Jack enjoys making faces with the eyes, eyelashes and Jack O’Lantern mouths.

“So now I have to buy one set for display, and another set for the kids to play with,” sighed Halle. “Man. You really saw me coming, didn’t you?”

However, Lee Lowhan, a data scientist from Crazytown, Oregon had another concern. She demanded that we tell her what we were thinking when we made the Groovy Ghoulies during a global pandemic.

“How dare you put ghosts and skeletons on a child’s toy?” she shrieked. “Don’t you know that’s going to give children nightmares? I bought the Groovy Ghoulies set because of the cute cats and pumpkins! But now I’ll have to hide the scarier stuff until the kids are older.”

Ms. Lowhan told us her twin children are only 17. She offered us some advice.

“Next time, make a set that’s less likely to terrify impressionable children!” she snapped.

After Ms. Lowhan slammed the phone down, we received a call from Hal Enlowe of Insane, Iowa. He expressed a different opinion.

“They’re not very scary, now, are they?” said Enlowe, a retired businessman and grandfather of seven. “I mean, I wanna see some blood and guts on these things. That’s what Halloween is all about. Maybe you could bleed on ‘em or something before you ship me a set.”

Mr. Enlowe did admit to one frightening aspect of the Groovy Ghoulies.

“Well, for me, the only scary thing is the cats. But that’s probably because I don’t like cats.”

Enlowe paused and swallowed. In a hushed whisper, he confided his reason.

“A cat scratched me once when I was little. It’s why I don’t like ‘em. So you should definitely take cats out of the set,” he recommended.

Further, Noel Halwe of Madhat, Michigan wrote to tell us her thoughts. She is not a fan of the toy’s color palette.

“Halloween is supposed to be black and orange. Period. So what’s up with the purple and green? If you hippy freaks want to sell any of these things, you gotta make ‘em the right colors for fall.”

At Uncle Goose, we make toys and products that confuse, delight, and outrage people. Sometimes, we manage to do it all at once!

By all means. Feel free to tell us everything you hate about the new Groovy Ghoulies toy/decor from Uncle Goose.**

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* All customer names and cities have been changed to protect their identities. We used the anagram of “Halloween” for each name. All complaints are more or less real, but heightened for dramatic effect.

** The more wackadoo your opinion, the better. However, we’re not likely to compromise our artistic integrity or design sensibilities to suit anyone’s particular taste or whim. These are toys. Lighten up.